A Picture is Worth a Thousand Deletes
UPDATE: The inspirational photo is now at the end of this post!!
I am one of the guilty little vixens on some sites like Craigslist posting ads and sometimes looking to connect with someone/groups. Tonight I posted an ad (the revenue from my first 451 Press check to the crafty reader who can find it). As I’ve said before it truly does not matter how well-worded or articulate your ad, you will still get cock pics, cock descriptions and other inappropriate responses.
But, I digress.
Now, by no means do you need to have the artistic prowess of Steve Diet Goedde, but when taking photos of yourself that you plan on emailing out to individuals that you have never seen before, do think of the following:
1. Do not sprawl on anything. Sprawling is rarely effective, especially when you haven’t seen the inside of a gym in over a year and your abdomen hasn’t seen sunlight in that same amount of time. The photo that I’m talking about included the individual slumped Al Bundy-style on the couch.
2. Be careful to select a decent background. The photo burned into my brain this evening is of the Al Bundy character sitting on his grandmother’s floral sofa. She may roll over in her grave at the thought.
3. Do not have any embarrassingly intimate personal items near the frame of your photo. I shall never forget the two LARGE stuffed animals sitting behind Al Bundy on his grandmother’s floral sofa.
4. Do not leave whatever articles of clothing you were wearing prior to said photo shoot in the photo frame. Toss your chinos on the floor instead of draping them on grandmother’s floral sofa before you take the picture.
5. And, finally, tighty-whiteys are only acceptable on a hot young schoolgirl all dressed up for an Exotic Erotic Ball. Do not wear them when you take off your chinos to sit on your grandmother’s floral sofa, teddy bears in tow, for a photo that you think might get you laid.
I need a drink…
EDIT: I have had the actual picture up and down from the site now five times. J thinks I should leave it up. I have mixed emotions about it. Poor guy, it really is a little sad.
sex ad, erotic photography, Steve Diet Goedde, cock pic, sex profile
December 29th, 2006 at 11:04 am
Is that the “submissive male for shopping” ad?
You don’t let any grass grow between your toes, now do you?
December 29th, 2006 at 11:06 am
Way off, dear Tom…on both counts.
December 29th, 2006 at 1:43 pm
Gasho!
December 29th, 2006 at 7:19 pm
So, Japanese, German, enough French to play the Vicomte….fabulously diverse.
December 30th, 2006 at 8:11 pm
Oh, puleeze let us see the pic.
I agree, so many guys are naively self-unaware (or should that be underwear?). You know, we all think we’re God’s gift to womankind.
December 30th, 2006 at 8:34 pm
Ok, ok…THERE IT IS! Did my list do it justice or did you have something different pictured in your head?
Perhaps we should all just be thankful that we didn’t get a FULL frontal view of the inevitable sock-suspenders in all of their glory…
December 30th, 2006 at 9:48 pm
OMG, I thought you were making it up, but reality trumps imagination sometimes.
December 31st, 2006 at 12:32 am
Chinos - $25
Stuffed animal from a carnival - $55 (I suck at ski ball)
Grandma’s couch - $10 at an estate sale
Package of jockey underwear bought in 1972 -$5
Picture of all of these things together - PRICELESS
December 31st, 2006 at 6:24 pm
I think holding that photo up to ridicule is a lot like dropping by a stranger’s blog and leaving a snarky comment. But I admire a spunky woman who tells the world what she thinks, and maybe the sender needs to know how ridiculous he looks.
December 31st, 2006 at 6:26 pm
No, no…only snarky if I revealed the poor bastard’s face or didn’t crop other details in the photo (as I did). Snarky if one doesn’t leave their true name on a blog that they dislike–or a valid email address.
Don’t compare apples and oranges, dear Tom.
January 1st, 2007 at 7:50 pm
I like both apples and oranges, and C. tells me all the time I can’t stay on topic.
But it’s true that our own shit never stinks and that of another is smelly.
January 1st, 2007 at 8:08 pm
There’s something more than a little wrong about fruit and shit in the same comment…I have but a few standards, dear Tom. No fruit or fish on my pizza…and no poo or blood in my sex life…
Someone take the computer away from me so that I don’t make anymore ridiculous comments about fruit while drinking manhattans…
January 1st, 2007 at 8:18 pm
Another night of drunken debauchery? Celebrating or commiserating?
January 1st, 2007 at 8:54 pm
Celebrating, celebrating, celebrating…It is a blissful start to the new year in all its rebirth and newness. The articles in the new year should reflect that–in case you feel a bit in the dark, dear Tom.
Of course, I’m biased…but I did love Jay’s AmEx commercial like summation of this post. Well done, Jay. I’ll praise you for such wit this evening, darling.