Between the Sheets

Early this month, Health Bolt posted an piece that I loved - “Top 6 Reasons to have More Sex This Holiday Season.” They reasons they listed?

1. You’ll burn calories and work off those holiday cookies.
2. Sex is a great way to warm up.
3. Romping helps to lower your cholesterol.
4. You’ll sleep better after orgasming.
5. Sex helps you connect to loved ones.
6. DHEA (a sex hormone) is great for you overall health.

We don’t really NEED another excuse to have sex…at least, I’m guessing that anyone who reads a sex blog is horny enough for two or three typical people (I know I am). That said, how can you fit sex into your busy holiday schedule? THE QUICKIE, of course! Here are my top five tips for successful quickies:

1. Plan for it. While successful quickies don’t always have to be planned, for some people, not scheduling a mid-afternoon romp may mean that it never happens. You don’t have to sit down with your day planner and lover. Just plan it in your head. Ok, when my spouse gets home at 5:30, we’re going to fuck like dogs for 10 minutes before the kids get home from practive…

2. Don’t worry about the other person. I always advocate that giving is better than taking. However, with a quickie, you should both focus on yourselves. Don’t rely on your lover to get you off - just do it. You have limited amounts of time, and no one knows how to get you off quicker than yourself.

3. Admit defeat occasionally. Sometimes, 6 or 7 minutes just isn’t enough to get off. Admit defeat and move on. A Quickie is a Quickie is a Quickie…you don’t have time for full-on sex sessions every day sometime months

4. Look for unusual opportunities. You may need to steal away for sex at odd times…and that’s ok! Look for these strange chances. Jump in the shower with your lover while you’re visiting relatives. Give him road head as you’re carpooling to work together. You get the idea!

5. Supplement Quickies with “real” sex. Quickies can’t get you through life, after all!

Edit from Aurora: I’ve moved! Cum visit me at Between My Sheets!

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post called “Talk to Your Teens” (and it probably should have been titled “Talk to your Children”). It was about the importance of talking to your kids about sex. How do you talk about sex with your children? When should you talk about sex with your children? Why should you talk about sex with your children? Erm…misplaced modifier. Not talking about “sex with children”…talking with your children about sex, rather. Hm…may have dug a hole with that one.

But I digress.

The important thing here is that kids know about sex long before parents think they are “ready.” Life doesn’t care if they’re ready. So, being a pro-active parent is extremely important.

I say this not having any kids of my own yet. But, I do like to think that this is how I will raise my kids someday. Sex is a part of my life, just like it is a part of your life, and although we blog about our sexual experiences, we find it tough to talk to kids about it (in an appropriate way or course).

This is the start of a little series I’m going to do called “Talk to Your Kids.” When middle schools are giving out birth control to 12-year-olds, there is a problem. I can’t change the world, but maybe I can help a few readers (is anyone out there?) think about how they speak with their children.

Today’s post: How to Talk to Your Preschooler about Sex.

I say “preschooler” meaning any kid under about 6. So, preschool and kindergarten really. That young age when Sesame Street is still the bee’s knees. Did I really just say “bee’s knees”? Sigh. I am my mother.

Anyway, I think a lot of parents make the same mistake when it comes to this age group, and that mistake is in not talking about sex at all. Now, before you get your panties in a knot, understand that I’m not advocating teaching your daughter how to give a blow job at age 4 or teaching your son the finer points of doggie style at age 5. I mean, give me a break. A child at that age can’t comprehend how or why that happens. They’re still learning to tie their shoes.

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I suppose after my Halloween recap, you’re all ready to here more about what happened this week with J* and the girl next door. Sorry to disappoint, it was quite the uneventful weekend. How anti-climatic, I know. My mother is coming to visit, though, so, like all good daughters, I spent the weekend on my hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor, on a step ladder cleaning the spiderwebs from the corners of my porch, and on my ass, feeling sorry for myself that my mother was coming to visit. Sigh. I do love her, but it means no sex or masturbation for a few days. Sigh.

I have noticed one thing - my post about talking to your kids about sex has gotten a lot of traffic. And I mean A LOT. Is that something you guys want me to talk about more often? It’s one of those things that no one is saying, in my opinion. There are millions of kids out there who don’t understand sex and relationships very well, and, as a result, are getting STDS and pregnant at fairly young ages. It’s really, really sad, ya know? We sit here and anonymously talk/read about sex on the Internet, but when it comes time for a face-to-face with the youngsters of the world, we freeze up and don’t know what to say.

I think maybe I will talk about it a bit more. Readers, you may be perverts, sexually deviant, and horny…but I know that a lot of your are also parents. Please comment and weigh in on this topic - have you had “the talk” with your kid yet? How old was he/she when you did it?

Edit from Aurora: I’ve moved! Cum visit me at Between My Sheets!

A generation or two ago, the only facts many toddlers had were about their snacks, stories, toys and bedtime. Today, more parents are having “the talk” earlier than ever, armed with a shelf full of books geared toward kids of all ages, from toddlers to teenagers. The conversation still makes many parents squeamish, but it is perhaps more necessary than ever…read more.

I don’t have kids…yet. So, there’s a lot that I can’t understand about parenting, especially parenting teens. But what I do know is that too many parents aren’t talking to their kids about sex. There’s an overall sense of “it doesn’t really matter” among kids as young as ten. Sex is no big deal.

But sex is a big deal. What goes on between the sheets with your kids is your business, and with a world that is increasingly focused on pleasures of the flesh, kids do need certain amounts of protection. Sheltering your kids won’t work, though. You need to sit down and talk about it. After all, some schools are giving junior high kids contraceptives. They need to. Doesn’t that scare anyone? Because it scares me.

Yeah, it’s uncomfortable. However, if you don’t make sex a big deal from the start, it won’t be a big deal ever for your kids. Once adults, it’s ok to make decisions about when and how to have sex. Children can’t make that decision though. Talk to your kids about sex and talk about love. Talk about how to deal with the pressure to have sex felt from peers and how to do with the urges to have sex coming from their own bodies. That’s right, I’m telling you to talk about masturbation. At the appropriate age, of course.

Maybe I do have some benefits of being young and not having kids yet - I can still relate to junior high and high school kids, perhaps better than most parents. So here’s my advice, based on my experience as a kid and my relationship with younger relatives:

1. Don’t underestimate your kids and what they’re talking about on the playground. I first started wondering about babies when I was in about 2nd grade, we played truth and dare (which included kissing) in 4th grade, and we told dirty jokes (many of which we didn’t understand) in 5th grade. And I come from a conservative family and a conservative town. Start talking to your kids from the time they are toddlers.

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As a sex blog writer dabbling in dom/sub themes from time to time, I get all of the common questions and concerns:

“How can you promote abuse like this?”

“Don’t you think that subs are being emotionally abused?”

“Why are you advocating for abusive relationships?”

“Don’t you care about the women being abused every day?”

Yes, I think some dom/sub relationships are unhealthy. Some, not all. However, today, as part of Between the Sheet’s Sexual Abuse Awareness Week, I’d like to talk a little bit about a different kind of sexual abuse, one that I myself have experienced: the sexual history lie.

I like sex. I like a lot of sex. And, while right now my sexual experiences are limited to “one at a time” (my own choice), I’ve gone through periods in my life where I had multiple sexual partners. I’ve made some mistakes (haven’t we all), but in general, safety first, always. I’m a big advocate of “Until you know where that’s been, don’t put it anywhere risky.” In other words, if you’re going to play a bit (yay!), take some time to learn about the sexual history of your partner. After all, if they’ve been sleeping with crack addicts this past week and haven’t been tested, you probably don’t want any of that gunk passed along to your waterworks. There’s still a lot of nasties out there. AIDS is not gone.

I’m one of those in-your-face people, and before I sleep with someone, I want to know how many other partners they’ve had, when they’ve last been tested, and if they think they could be at risk. And I’ll tell you straight to your face - no bullshit. I’m up for a good, good, GOOD time, but only if you’re clean.

So the sexual abuse that worries me the most is the silent killer: People lying about their sexual history. I’m not talking about fudging the numbers a little to leave out that one-night stand in high school or keeping the specifics under wraps. I’m talking about people who will look you in the eye and tell you they’re clean when they’re not, or tell you they’ve only been with one or two other people when they’ve really been with dozens. That scares me more than any dom/sub relationship in the world.

Like I said, I have personal experience with this. The liar was not only sleeping with EVERYONE (rather than the two people he told me he’d been with), but he was also *probably* using needles to shoot up various drugs. I say probably because I don’t know. I just can’t be sure what’s truth and what’s lies anymore.

This kind of lie has the potential to kill. No, he didn’t “make” me sleep with him, but he did make me think that I was sleeping with someone different. I would have never slept with someone who likes to share needles for recreational drugs, and it’s very probable that he was doing exactly that.

I’m one of the lucky ones. I survived, and I’m healthy. Unfortunately, millions of men and women around the world are in my situation, and not all of them make it. Most don’t press charges (many can’t because their lover disappears), and few speak about about this kind of abuse.

Today is The Great Mofo Delurk, which means that bloggers everywhere are asking readers to come out of the woodwork and actually leave a comment. So, I want to know who’s lurking. I know you’re out there! Have you ever lied about your sexual history? (Don’t worry, you can leave an anonymous comment.) Has anyone ever lied to you?

Edit from Aurora: I’ve moved! Cum visit me at Between My Sheets!

sexual abuse, sex, sexual health, abuse, domestic violence, domestic abuse

During the first week in October, I’m devoting Between the Sheets to sexual abuse awareness, as many of you may know. This is a subject dear to my heart, simply because I think so many women and men out there are in abusive relationships and think that they are ok. It’s NOT ok. You can do better. You can be happy.

Sexual abuse, in my opinion, is any of the following:

*lying about sexual past that could put your current partner at risk

*sex without consent (rape)

*sexual acts that a person legitimately asks you to stop doing and you refuse

*sex involving children, even if they do consent

*distributing private pictures or videos without approval of all parties depicted

I’ve been a victim of some of these things. Sadly, I think most women have. Sexual abuse isn’t just rape or physical abuse during sex - it goes so much farther than that.

I’d like to note that I think there can be really healthy BDSM relationships. If you are going to participate, please, please, please have a “safe” word. This should be an obscure word other than “no” (because “no” slips out so easily) that you can use to tell your partner to stop. Even if someone else owns you, you are still a human being, and if you have a problem, you need to be able, for your own safety, to stop whatever is going on. Most people in a dom/sub relationship never have to use the safety word, but it’s good to have it just in case.

Also, I want to warn everyone about not knowing your partner’s sexual history. People are still dying from AIDS every single day. Please protect yourself.

Edit from Aurora: I’ve moved! Cum visit me at Between My Sheets!