Between the Sheets

We had been sexual beasts from the start of our relationship. Sometimes I think we were working off years of sexual frustration in previous relationships. It was almost as if we had gone 15 years without sugar and then been thrust, starving, into a candy store. Gorging was inevitable.

BDSM, swinging, BDSM while swinging, single males, single females, toys we’d never even dreamed of, role playing…oh, the list goes on! And, then we realized that some things just don’t go well together, at least for us.

A few years into our relationship, we met a couple from a BDSM site. Our profile had been up forever. We had turned down countless individuals and couples for one made up reason or another. The fact was we were unsure of a plunge into bringing another person into our bed. We were on a precipice, hoping not to dive headfirst into emotions that our relationship couldn’t recover from. And, we simultaneously hoped that we could live out some of our more taboo fantasies with each other present.

The online chatting with the self-proclaimed hedonists was sparse, but sufficient enough to make us desire at least a cocktail with them. As schedules permitted, we met them for brunch. Walking into the restaurant, where we assumed we’d figure out if they were ax-murderers or not, we only had one rule: keep your hands on me. It was our naïve hope that a touch would keep insecurities and anxieties off the menu.

We must have looked to everyone like we were sitting with our Bizarro reincarnates. We, though engulfed in the BDSM lifestyle, do not wear it on our sleeves. We look like conservative, middle class folks. And, our lunch dates—well they were all things Goth and hippie, simultaneously. Think John Lennon meets Amy Lee of Evanescence…or something like that.

But, our minds were busy imagining them naked, and in that state we imagined they looked not unlike we would—nakedness being the great equalizer. So, we kept talking (and touching).

We left the restaurant and walked thru the farmer’s market down the street. We spent some more time chatting with them. They seem normal enough, we thought. We had a nice nouveau friendship forming and decided to go back to our home for some more conversation. They had driven over an hour to meet us, and we felt that we owed them a bit more time, even if nothing happened between us sexually.

Let’s just recap the mistakes that now as seasoned veterans we can avoid:
1. Talk, talk and talk beforehand: Will you play on a first date?
2. Know what’s off limits! Nothing kills a mood more than looking over to see your partner doing something that you didn’t want the mental image of.
3. Do not feel obligated in any way to entertain people who have driven a great distance to see you. Establish a no-fault acceptance beforehand: no chemistry = no one’s fault (not personal)

BDSM, swinging, lifestyle, couples, sex, partner, communication, sexual intimacy