How to be a Cum-Guzzler
A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they’re sitting there having a good time together, she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him.
The bartender brings the drink and puts the following items on the bar: A salt shaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice.
The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains. “First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice.”
So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue……..salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys……..smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant.
He thinks……..this is OK.
Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it. In one second the sharp lime taste hits, the Baileys curdles, and it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot. This triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink.
When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, “Jesus, what do you call that drink?”
She smiles widely at him and says, “Blow Job.”
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That has to be one of my favorite jokes of all time.
Yesterday, I talked a bit about my partner’s parting shot, and how I swallowed every drop (and on film to boot). I have to say, though, that drinking cum isn’t easy. In fact, there’s a lot of girls (and guys) out there who will tell you that drinking cum is impossible. And if you girlfriend or wife isn’t into drinking cum? Well, maybe it’s better to just let it go. After all, at least she’s giving you the blow job, right?
But swallowing can really be a joy. It’s a really nice feeling for your partner and helps with clean up. I don’t know about your man, but most of the guys that I’ve been with say that there’s no better end to a blog job than the girl (or guy) swallowing every last drop of cum as she (or he) looks up into the eyes of the guy she’s sucking. It can be a real turn-on, and it’s not as hard as you may think. Here are some tried-and-try tips that I’ve successfully used to swallow cum:
1. Invest in some throat-numbing cream. This product comes in all sorts of flavors, and is meant to help you deep throat. Your gag reflex is calmed, and when you’re deep throating, it’s easier to just let the cum flow down your throat without thinking about it.
2. Suck on a minty candy as you’re giving the blow job. Altoids work really well. This gives your man a fun, fresh feeling and helps to mask the taste of the cum when he ejaculates.
3. Feed him fruits! A balanced diet with lots of good fruits will make the cum taste sweeter.
4. Get him off more often. Goopy, chunky cum is the worst. You’ll get a smoother consistency if he hasn’t been holding it back for a few days.
5. Do a “cum shot” (ha ha, aren’t I clever?). The tip of your tongue is where your “sweet” taste buds are concentrated, so you can avoid the sour/bitter tastes if you allow him to completely finish cumming and sort of “pool” the cum in the front of your mouth. Then, swallow it quickly like you would a shot. Chase it with some water if you thought ahead and have some within reach.
6. Dry an upside-down blow job. You can do this by laying on your back at the edge of the bed. It doesn’t make the cum taste better, but it does make it flow down your throat more easily.
7. Practice! You may feel kinda dorky doing it, but practicing at home before your man comes over (cums over? ha ha) can really help you to learn how to swallow. Use about 1/2 cup of plain yogurt with about a teaspoon of salt and a crushed aspirin to replicate the flavor and consistency, and then practice with either an ejaculating dildo or, if you’re cheap like me, a turkey baster.
At the end of the day (night?), if you have to spit, you have to spit. A good compromise is to let him choose where he gets to cum - he might like cumming all over your boobs, face, or ass.
Let me know if you try these tips and they worked for you or if you have some tips of your own that you’d like to share by leaving a comment below!
sex, oral sex, cum, blow jobs, penis, sex tips
Edit from Aurora: I’ve moved! Cum visit me at Between My Sheets!
September 22nd, 2007 at 6:12 pm
Good tip on the fruit — makes all the difference in the world — and if I could offer one other tidbit of advice it would be to have him stay away from broccoli and asparagus.
September 25th, 2007 at 3:50 am
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September 25th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
Oh, that joke is priceless!
September 25th, 2007 at 7:02 pm
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December 22nd, 2007 at 12:19 pm
[...] 1. Learn to swallow. Swallowing cum is hard; I won’t deny that. Talk to any guy through, and they’ll tell you that yes, they like to cum in your mouth. It just feels better. At the least, allow your man to cum in your mouth and then spit it out if you have to. Over time, however, you’ll learn to swallow, and it won’t be a big deal anymore. If you’re currently have trouble swallowing, check out “How to Be a Cum-Guzzler”. [...]
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October 29th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Great post!
I actually convinced a male friend of mine to take this shot, but I called it a ‘cement mixer’. Once the look of disgust hit his face I revealed that it was in fact a ‘cum slushy’.
He told his father about the incident, for a laugh and his dad got all serious and asked if it was only him involved with drinking the shot.
I guess he had heard of this before as a shot regularly done at gay bars. One guy hold the Bailey’s in his mouth, the other hold the lime juice, then they kiss and mix it back and forth…
Needless to say, we were shocked that he knew about that and we made it clear that I was not involved, except as the perpetrator of a great practical joke.
Anyway, thanks for reminding me of a great, hilarious night.
I like you blog so far, I only found it today and am reading through from the beginning. You have good style and I agree that eloquence is not always a part of sex. Your list of your 15 fave sexy words had my imagination off and running.
I can’t wait to get deeper… into your blog.
Cheers,
Ken
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