Between the Sheets

Nurse/doctor, slave/sub, prisoner/interrogator, schoolgirl/teacher or a bodice ripper fantasy all may have a secret unmentionable place in your mind. Do not be afraid to indulge those fantasies and bring spice to your sex life. But, if your fantasies run the more risky or dangerous lines have the presence of mind before you act on them to take precaution. Ensure that they turn out properly by planning a few extra safeguards, rather than suffering a perilous experience.

Some fantasies can be accomplished with a trusted partner. If that’s the case, you eliminate much worry from the onset. Your safety is assured with just a few precautions:

1. Always have protected sex no matter the fantasy, unless you’re in a completely monogamous relationship. Only you can answer that question!
2. Establish a safe word. Decide between the two of you upon a word that could stand out in play. Don’t pick a word that might normally be used during intimacy. For example, mine is “coffee.�? If either party in the middle of the scene says the word, the play stops immediately and without question. Using a safe word is a no-fault, no confusion way to stop any act that one person may not want to engage in. “Often a variation on the “stop-light” system is used, with different colors designating different messages: “red” to stop everything, “yellow” to slow down or take it easy, and so forth. For scenes where there is an element of surprise, the top or “ravisher” may use a “startword” or other identifying signal.�? (Wikipedia: Rape Fantasy; I also recommend The Loving Dominant by John Warren for more information on safe words.)

Many years ago, I wrote a rape fantasy. I want to share it with you, but would like to elaborate before I do. I wrote the rape fantasy to “get it out of my head.�? It didn’t prove enough, however. It still captivated me until I found a way to act it out.

The acting out of it was what proved difficult for me. I knew that I could not engage in it with a trusted partner. The experience for me was too much about raw unfamiliarity and sexual surrender to give over to someone that I knew. Still, the prospect of finding a virtual stranger to engage in this with scared the hell out of me. I had no desire for it to be anything other than acting out of psychological and emotional taboos. I wanted to live a fantasy, not recover from a nightmare.

Nevertheless, I sought out a stranger on the Internet. My rules were the following:

1. We must have one platonic meeting in person—coffeehouse or cocktails. It would be more like a business meeting rather than meeting of friends. I didn’t want to develop a fondness for him.
2. At that meeting, I must see identification and a current copy of STD results.
3. We would have talked about my ideas for the fantasy. I would not give him a script, as I wished for things to be somewhat spontaneous.
4. At the platonic meeting, we would go over any “don’ts�? that I have. If there is a particular act that you wish to avoid, be explicit about it. I recommend having them sign a formal agreement.
5. Go over how the fantasy might occur. Are you opening a window of time that you may be vulnerable to the act? I left three nights as possibilities, where I left my front door unlocked for the act to take place. I must reiterate that all of this was in writing, and I we had written understanding that this was a one-time occurrence.
6. Let at least one person (your safety net) know where you’re going to be and with whom.
7. Designate a time that you will call to confirm your safety. Let your partner know what time the act MUST be concluded by, so that you can ensure the phone call takes place.
8. Give as much contact information as possible for the person you’re playing with to your safety net.

These are the steps that I took to ensure the safety of my experience. I welcome input from you that might include greater lengths taken.

rape fantasy, role playing, sex, intimacy, sexual play